The Daredevil Superpower Betting Pool
by the-fabulous-Jai
Summary: The Avengers just want Daredevil to join their emo band. Crack.
1. constellations in the ground

_Crossposted on AO3 at /works/17638319/chapters/41591024. Chapter 1 title from "Constellations" by Alenni._

...

"Nice view, right?" Peter asked.

"I suppose."

"I mean, it's New York. Constellations basically don't exist for everyone here, right? But the lights, man. The lights."

"So I hear."

"Dude, you're making that face again. What is it?"

Daredevil (who had been making that face! Seriously, what was it with him and expressions of suffering?) shrugged and turned his head the other way. He didn't speak for another 24 seconds (Peter counted,) and when he spoke, it was something unexpected. "You have two broken ribs."

"...Dude." Peter took about three seconds to have A Moment. "So, like, do you have X-ray vision or what? There's a running bet with the Avengers about your powers, and mine is that you have special vision. Oh, crap, I wasn't supposed to tell you that-"

"Peter, you literally told me your name the second time we met. You're the worst secret-keeper I've ever met, and I've met a lot of people. And you also should not be binding with broken ribs." With that, Daredevil parkoured (parkour'd? Was that even a word?) away into the night.

Peter shuffled through his bag to find the suit. "Karen, tell Friday to add five bucks into my spot in the Daredevil Superpower Betting Pool. Enhanced vision."

.

Two blocks away and out of sight, a man in a black mask shook his head and smiled.


	2. my body's candy, my blood is wine

"He's a vampire, I bet."

"Evidence?"

"Natasha," Tony sighs, "think about it. He only comes out at night. He does all this crazy parkour stuff that's basically flying- oh, God, what if he can fly? We've got pictures of him covered in blood, with blood in his mouth. I bet he drinks the blood of the criminals he beats up, then does something to make them forget."

"There's one thing you're forgetting, though."

"And that is...?"

"Vampires _don't exist_."

"But Daredevil does! FRIDAY," he tilts his head heavenward, "can you add 'vampire' as an option in the Daredevil Superpower Betting Pool?"

"Sure thing, boss."

Natasha considers trying to reason with him, and decides it wouldn't be worth it. "All right, perhaps vampires are real and Daredevil is one. Problem is, we have no way to prove it or get him to admit the secret."

"...I have an idea."

.

Matt can hear the Iron Man suit, but there are a lot of people in that warehouse. He might as well go in and help before turning in for the night.

.

As Tony hoped, Daredevil shows up, in horned red glory. There's the usual violence. He doesn't seem to drink any blood, though- maybe it's because Tony's there?

.

Before Matt can swing away, Stark raises his voice. "You want to come get some pasta? It's Avengers Dinner Night, and I know you've turned it down before, but I can hear your stomach growling from here."

.

Daredevil turns towards him, and Tony suddenly realizes that this may not have been a good idea.

Nah, it was a brilliant one. "Only if I can keep my mask on." Daredevil says.

.

Matt is glad he came, even though secret identities tend to make even the most mundane conversations uncomfortable. There's garlic in everything, especially the heap of spaghetti Stark dumped on his plate. It almost overwhelms his senses, but the food is good and so is the company.

.

"I was so sure!" Tony wails, later. "The silverware was silver and I put garlic in _everything_!"


	3. all-star stud to a punk like you

_Oof, this is a short one. Title from "American Boys" by Halestorm._

...

"We didn't believe in aliens in the 30s, but we've got 'em now. Is it really so hard to believe Daredevil could be an alien?"

Steve gives Bucky a Look.

"Think about it! Where was he before he started vigilante-ing? Side note, I have no idea if that's a word. I mean, it's not like he was in cryo or, I don't know, a fucking Russian spy. There's only a few spots for each of those, and we took them. Us and Nat."

Steve sighs. "I don't know, Bucky. Maybe he had school or work or something."

"Ha! He's at least twenty. Closer to thirty, probably. I don't know if I can picture him in grad school."

"Hey, maybe he's a doctor. Or a lawyer. Makes more sense than another alien."

"Yeah, he's definitely an alien. I'm adding it to the betting pool. D'you think-"

"Bucky. Can we not discuss masked vigilantes while in bed?"

"Sorry, doll."


	4. the poor groom's bride is Thor?

_Title from that one tumblr post about "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by PATD._

...

"OH, WELL IMAGINE, AS I'M PACING THE PEWS IN A CHURCH CORRIDOR..."

Tony Stark? Dancing to emo music with Peter Parker? In the penthouse lab? It's more likely than you think.

"WHAT A SHAME THE POOR GROOM'S BRIDE IS..." "Uh, Thor?"

"Greetings, friends Parker and Stark!"

"Hi Mr. Thor!"

"Thunderboy. What's up? You break the toaster again?"

"Nay," his voice rumbles, it really does, "I have heard of the marvelous Daredevil Superpower Betting Pool-"

"We really need to stop calling it that."

"-and am come to tell you that he is no Asgardian."

"Come again?' Tony asks.

"Lady Natasha has 'another fucking lapsed Norse god' as her slot,"

"Language!" ("Mr. Stark, I've heard the F word before.")

"And I have read his aura and found the truth."

"Wait," says Peter, "when did you read his aura?"

"Last night. We drank much of what you call...VODKA!"

"Sweet Christ." Tony says.

Thor reveals nothing more.

.

"Hey." Matt greets Thor and wrinkles his nose, trying to remember just what it is he smells on him. "Were you at Stark Tower?"

"Aye, friend Matthew. They thought you were of my people, and I sought to disavow that idea."

"Oh. Well, could you refrain from doing so for other ideas in the future? I'm having fun messing with them."

"A noble goal indeed!"

They sit down with their liquor and put on Aladdin, with audio description on.


	5. home to the comfort of my bed

Title from "Wreck of the Day" by Anna Nalick.

...

"Isn't it obvious?" Wanda Maximoff said, perched on the hospital bed. "He's got some kind of healing factor. Maybe some mild psychic ability as well. The rest of it's just training."

"How do you figure that?" Asked Tony, lying there.

"He regularly teams up with Wade Wilson and your kid-"

"He's not my kid!"

"And both of them heal. Granted, Peter's healing factor is more like a weird metabolism thing and isn't infallible-slash-immortal-making the way Wade's is, but they probably have that in common."

"And the psychic thing?"

"Okay, do you remember when I told you about the time Hydra tried to take me and my brother?"

"Uh, yeah. It was a story to remember." He was so, so glad SI had stopped manufacturing weapons, all the more so now that he knew that some had been sold on the black market to target innocent families. Not that the other victims of Stark weaponry weren't innocent, mostly- ugh, he hated thinking about it.

"Well, part of why we didn't join was 'cause I looked into the recruiter's mind and realized that their intentions were evil. I didn't have much ability back then, as an untrained mutant kid, but it was enough."

"Good thing Magneto found you after, huh?"

"Yeah. Can't imagine what I'd be like as a brainwashed Hydra agent."

Tony laughed. "You'd probably have a vendetta against me. Everybody seems to, nowadays." Being landed in the hospital wing of the Avengers Tower after the battle following his fifth assassination attempt this month was _not_ good for morale. At least the bullet hadn't gotten to him- because a certain red-clad vigilante had pushed him out of its range.

"Well, anyway, I'm thinking Daredevil has some mild precognition or mind-reading ability, which helps him anticipate what his enemies will do next."

"Makes sense. You add it to the betting pool yet?"

"Yep."

.

Thor sighs wistfully at the television. "Friend Matthew, you were right to show me this. 'Twill be quite useful in the future."

"How so?"

"Think of the potential in battle!"

"Thor, it's _Pretty Little Liars_. We're not even sober enough right now to pay attention. How the everloving _fuck_ could that be used in battle?"

"Is it not obvious? Spoilers!"


	6. friday, pt i

It had been a very, very, very, very, very long week. Add a few more verys and some incoherent screaming. Why had it been a long week, you ask? Because they, Nelson & Murdock, were taking on another Stark case. Specifically, an Avengers case. And the Avengers Tower was most certainly not ADA-compliant.

Matt certainly didn't plan to sue Stark, or anything like that. He liked the man far too much. But if he had to subtly remind him one more time...

"Good morning, Mr. Murdock, Mr. Nelson, Ms. Page," said the disembodied voice that never ceased to freak him out, and he jumped about a foot into the air.

.

It had been a long week for Nat.

Villain-du-jour had caused property damage bad enough to make it into a history book (well, a local one, anyway,) and the town's inhabitants were threatening a lawsuit on the Avengers, even after Tony fixed the damage. Amusing herself with the Betting Pool wasn't nearly as much fun as she'd thought it would be- in fact, it had become a genuine mystery to her. Not one that she'd lose sleep over or anything, but a mystery nonetheless. And Friday wasn't letting them see each other's bets.

Well, she only had four dollars in there. Losing would be no real loss.

After lying there in bed for at least half an hour, she finally got up, knowing the meeting with Tony's lawyers would be this afternoon.

.

"Hey, Friday?" Matt asked, trying not to turn his head towards the nearest speaker. "Which way is the nearest restroom?"

"The nearest unoccupied one is down the hall to your left, about ten paces in."

.

"He was with Thor last night. Hungover as fuck."

"As Red, I assume?"

"Yep. Karen, they were watching _Pretty Little Liars_. There was a bona fide crisis over Maya. I had to console them, via phone call."

.

"Friday, could you tell me about the betting pool the Avengers have going on Daredevil's secret identity?" He barely got the words out through gritted teeth, but the AI heard him nonetheless.

"Mr. Murdock, I assure you that none of them save Thor and myself know."

He let out a very long exhale.

"Would you be interested in placing a bet? Although they may consider it cheating, the eventual outcome would be amusing for us all. Also, there's nothing that bars me from showing you their guesses, since you haven't yet entered."

"I... yeah, sure. What have they guessed?"


	7. friday, pt ii: the guesses

The People, The Guesses, and The Money:

Karen The AI, on behalf of Peter Parker: Enhanced Vision. $5.

Tony Stark: Mythological Creature With Vampiric Traits. $400.

Tony Stark: Psychic Abilities. $200.

Natasha Romanov: Mythological Creature With Vampiric Traits. $2.

Natasha Romanov: Alien. $2.

Natasha Romanov: Another Fucking Lapsed Norse God. $2.

Bucky Barnes: Alien. $5.

Steve Rogers: Doctor, who Experimented on Self. $5.

Loki: Greek Demigod. Bets "a really nice wire bracelet made by another Greek god I know."

Pietro Maximoff: Enhanced Reflexes. $5.

Wanda Maximoff: Healing Factor. $5.

Wanda Maximoff: Psychic Abilities. $5.

Clint Barton: Enhanced Vision. $10 and "a vat of butter from the farm."

Sam Wilson: Actually The Devil. $14 in change.

Bruce Banner: Alien. $1.

James Rhodes: Enhanced Vision. $3.


	8. friday, pt iii

"What the _fuck_."

"My thoughts precisely, Mr. Murdock. Now, knowing what you know of their guesses, would you like to add in your own?"

"What the hell, sure. Wait, lemme get Foggy and Karen."

.

The People, The Guesses, and The Money: CONFIDENTIAL

Matt Murdock: Blind With Enhanced Senses. $5.

Foggy Nelson: Blind With Enhanced Senses. $5.

Karen Page: Blind With Enhanced Senses. $5.

.

Clint entered the conference room through the vents, waiting for the perfect chance to drop the water balloons on his unsuspecting prey. For he was the Hawkeye, Prankster Supreme, and none could stop him! MWAHAHAHAHA!

.

Nat entered the conference room, still half-asleep, only to be startled awake by the sight of the most beautiful human being she'd ever seen.

"Hi. Ms. Romanov, right? I'm Karen Page, the secretary for Nelson & Murdock."

Slightly speechless, she nodded a greeting.

.

This meeting was meant to hash out the beginnings of their defense, which was why all the Avengers were supposed to be there. Frustratingly, Hawkeye had called off sick at the last minute and Black Widow seemed to be daydreaming, staring off into space.

Well, either that or she was staring at Karen, which seemed unlikely.

.

Foggy had come prepared with a bullet-point slideshow and summaries of the laws the Avengers had been accused of breaking, and they took a coffee break halfway through it. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Black Widow go up to Karen and say something, just too low for him to hear. "Matt," he whispered.

"What're they saying?"

Matt, bless his bedeviled little soul, caught on quick. "Romanov just asked Karen how long she's worked in paralegal stuff... oh, wow, I think they're flirting."

"What?! What are they saying?"

"She seems very flustered. Karen's flirting back."

Just then, a water balloon dropped from the ceiling onto the Black Widow, dousing her with what appeared to be fruit punch.


End file.
